Enough of these blasted aliases!

As you may or may not know, I haven’t been using my family’s real names on this here cesspool of mental unsoundness that I like to call my bog.

Why? Well, as I used to say…

“I didn’t want to exploit my poor siblings by associating their real names with this humiliating chronicle of my life. So I decided to assign them aliases and let them continue to live in relative anonymity.”

I thought it was smart, and even a little charming at first, not to mention completely brilliant because I got to call my siblings whatever I wanted. But – as with most of my ideas – I’ve gotten tired of it.

So I’m here today to unveil the real set of weirdos who are my brothers and sisters.

Meet Faye. Not Faith. Am I really that creative? Wow – I amaze me.

She’s recently engaged to Sam. (Not Luke.)

(He likes his guitar.)

In real life, this whacked-out individual goes by the excessively original and highly Russian name of Ivan:

(He likes performing feats of derring-do.)

This here little chickie isn’t actually Paige but Sarah Jo. (Don’t try to find a connection…I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.)

Last of all, the baby of the family…the runt of the litter…not Tony, but….

Kenneth: (Or Ken.)

You know, I must say, each sibling’s name has some kind of meaning to me that I didn’t even realize when I chose them.

For instance, Faith…the name just fits her. She’s gorgeous. She’s a woman of God, she’s calm and even-keeled and maybe a teeny bit old-fashioned. (But don’t tell her I said that.) She is Faith. That’s the essence of her.

Then there’s Max. Oh boy, I could go on and on with this one. But I’ll use only three examples to keep things short.

1. Max, the Grinch’s pet mutt. I’ll forever hear my dad’s Grinch impression: “MAAAAX!” Sounding like a cross between a deafening duck and a bullhorn.

2. There’s Uncle Max Dettweiler from The Sound of Music. Hilarious and obnoxious and loveable all rolled into one.

3. And finally, there’s Glueteous Maximus, which is actually his full name.

(I’m sorry, Max. I couldn’t help myself.)

As for Paige, well…if I were to give birth to and name this child, I would name her Paige. Aside from the fact that I just plain like it, it’s so her. A mixture of girly, and plain commonsense. That’s my little sister to a tee. It’s unexpected. It’s cool. And it’s a little bit quirky.

‘Nuff said.

Finally, there’s Tony. The funny runt. The cute kid. The sunshine and the storm cloud around here, depending on his mood. I’m not sure why, but the name Tony fits him as well. It’s a nod to my great-grandpa, but it’s also a little bit Italian, which I think Tony could be, with his dark hair and passionate nature.

I like to study my siblings. Well, I like to study all people, but especially my siblings. I get to see them day in and day out. The good, the bad and the just plain disturbing. I can observe them as deeply as I take the time to, and that is one of my favorite hobbies. However, I must say that…. nobody – but-a nobody – can name a person like-a Mama*

(Spoken with charismatic Italian accent.)

Phew. Now I can readily bid farewell to the pseudonyms which have served me well, lo these 7 months.

Farewell! (And good riddance!)

(Now what I should do is take a deep breath and dive into my archives, painstakingly changing the names one at a time. Why does WordPress have no Find and Replace, I ask you?!)